I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
