wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
pray to the hookup gods
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
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