I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
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