Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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