Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
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