I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
