Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
