Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
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