Im at strip club and am horny
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
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