I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
