Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I need to calm my uterus...
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
