using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
