I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
