So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
