operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I just found puke in my bra..
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Randomize