Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I am naked and annoyed.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Randomize
