So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
