This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
You can't motorboat a personality
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Randomize
