We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize