Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
