Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Randomize
