he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
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