If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
