I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
My balls are so social today.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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