I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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