Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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