If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
