Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Randomize
