when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
They took my balls.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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