I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
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