You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Randomize
