The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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