Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
