How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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