and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
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