If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
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