Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
