Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Randomize
