I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize