this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
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