Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
