Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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