Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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