I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
