I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
There's always time for handjobs
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
