You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
