She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
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