My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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