porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Rumble strips road head = magical
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Randomize
