guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
