cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Randomize
