She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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