what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
