Umm I'm too high to move.
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
