We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
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