I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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