Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I supernannyed him into submission
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
