Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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