So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
