You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
You pole danced in your parka.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
