just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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