Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
