I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
be right there i have to get my cape
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Randomize
