The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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