He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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