Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Let's paint friendship bongs
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize
