2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Randomize
