I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize