I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
