i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
