I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Randomize