So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
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