Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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