Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
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