oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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