There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
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