This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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