please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize