You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Randomize
