I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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