She is in my trunk
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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