Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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