She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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