She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
