Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
