Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
