Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
