I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Randomize
