I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Randomize
