Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
