HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
