It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
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