Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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