I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
Just took my morning after pill in the library
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
