i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
