I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
