He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
