He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
