I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I still have a little drunk in my system
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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