Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
tell me about the eggs
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
