I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Randomize
