they need to just BURY HIM!
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
