I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Randomize
