I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize
